It’s Good For Your Children To See You As An Imperfect Mother

As a mother, it is likely that from the moment your child was born, you have felt the pressure to perform the role of mother to the best of your ability. Every mother strives for perfection. This is true even before birth, when the mother tries to comply with all health recommendations during pregnancy. However, it is not bad for your child to see you as an imperfect mother.

On the contrary, it is necessary and healthy.

What mother has not gone to bed at night and has felt guilty for having lost her composure towards the child? Who has not wondered how it must have affected the child to see mother cry or shout that night?

We fear that our actions will affect their personality and future. That’s why we sometimes try to look like a robot, a machine programmed not to make mistakes.

Fortunately, you are a human being. And believe it or not, the mistakes that plague you now can actually be beneficial to your child’s development.

Why is it good for your children to see you as an imperfect mother?

A real relationship

How would you feel if your partner or best friend only showed you their positive feelings? What would you think if, when they were sad or angry, they avoided you or falsified a feeling they did not feel?

We all want our emotional relationships to be sincere and honest. And we want the other person to show himself as he is, because that is exactly what builds trust and attachment.

For the same reason, trying to be perfect in front of our children is counterproductive. Even though we think they are still small, they perceive more than we think and will realize that something is not right. They will then wonder why you are trying to hide it. It prevents mutual trust from being established.

It is not about overwhelming them with our adult problems that they cannot understand or solve. However, they will appreciate that you show yourself as a human being and are authentic to them.

Normalize imperfection

Children come into the world without knowledge or experience of how to behave and function. They learn from their parents what is expected to be acceptable and appropriate. If you try to look perfect in their eyes, you will convey to them the idea that mistakes are not an option in life. Imagine the pressure of growing up with perfection as the only thing right?

If you accept, show, and normalize your mistakes, you allow them to fail, make mistakes, and learn from their fall. It is extremely necessary and healthy for them to be aware that we are all making mistakes and that this is something completely natural. By showing yourself as a human being, you are helping them not to blame themselves or be ashamed of the mistakes they may make.

Model for coping strategies

At the same time, we all know that children largely learn by imitation. By observing your behavior, they acquire and internalize the tools that they can later implement themselves. By accepting and showing your mistakes, sadness and frustrations, you will therefore be a role model for how to deal with these emotions.

If they see you overcome a fall, they’ll learn how to do it. If they see you accepting your grief as valid, they will mimic your attitude and coping strategies. Inevitably we all have bad days. Your kids want them too, so it’s really valuable that you teach them through your example how they get through these times.

Let them see you as an imperfect mother

In short, be open, honest and natural with your children. Allow them to see you as an imperfect mother. If one day you feel sad, you can cry.

If one day you are tired or angry, you can say that. And if you make a mistake, normalize it and follow the necessary steps to make it right. With your attitude, you teach your children resilience and emotional intelligence, which are values ​​that will be very useful in life.

All children feel that mother and father are heroes, but the natural process of development at some point makes them understand that they are human and imperfect.

Idealization of parents causes children to have unrealistic expectations of others. This will lead to difficulties in their social relationships. So remember that your only job is to be honest and loving, but not perfect.