Ways To Destroy Your Kids’ Self-Esteem

As parents, we want our children’s self-esteem to be so strong that we try to be ubiquitous in their lives, no matter the circumstances. So without realizing it, we get the opposite result.

Our words and actions often do not form capable people, but cause deep sadness and low (or sometimes no) self-esteem.

No one is born to know how to be a perfect mother, father, uncle, grandfather, etc. And since we understand this, we will tell you below how to develop certain habits to help take better care of your children self-esteem and self-empower it.

Have you ever felt bad about seeing your child with low self-esteem? Are you one of those parents who is constantly trying to protect them from the world ? If the answer to these questions is yes, it’s time to reflect a little.

Remember that children need their parents to love, support, guide and encourage them. Life can be quite a complex path, and it is necessary to know how to be a good guide for the little ones, and help them grow.

Self-esteem helps build ourselves. Thanks to good self-esteem and good psycho-emotional health, we can develop more positive attitudes and promote relationships and experiences that benefit our surroundings.

Children’s self-esteem motivates and inspires

Venezuelan psychologist Pablo Ríos Cabrera says in his book entitled Psychology: The Adventure of Knowing Each Other that self-esteem is related to expectations and success. That is, self-esteem forces us to grow, seek goals, and create certain expectations in order to succeed with those goals.

For example, imagine your daughter wants to be an astronaut. She will form certain expectations with which she will achieve her dream. If she achieves this goal, it is an indicator of healthy self-esteem . If, on the contrary, it is too difficult for her to generate expectations where she can see her dream come true , Houston, then we have a problem.

Let us continue to analyze the example a little more through the following possible scenarios:

Possible Scenario # 1: Damage your children’s self-esteem

Your child tells you that she will be an astronaut when she gets older. Then we start going around and around the problem and making some mistakes like:

1. Wanting to help her with school assignments related to space, which we end up doing entirely by ourselves, believing that by having them “perfect”, she gets better. (It is good to participate actively in our children’s tasks, but we must also give them space to think and solve problems for themselves. We should not encourage addiction.)
2. Yes, we buy her books and telescopes to see the stars , but we do not allow her to collect them herself. We do everything ourselves. (It’s one thing to monitor from a distance how it is assembled, and another thing is to make her feel useless by doing everything herself.)
3. We do not take her to the planetarium or to any space-related programs , but we leave her at home because she is “better taken care of”. (Excessive protection greatly restricts children, makes them insecure, anxious, and of course lowers their self-esteem.)

Result : The little one can not imagine that she should be an astronaut because we have sabotaged the dream. By acquiring everything we think she needs, we are actually limiting her development opportunities and thus her self-esteem.

Possible scenario # 2

She tells us that she will be an astronaut when she gets older. No matter how unrealistic this dream may seem to us, we continue with the following:

1. We work with her every time she asks us for help with a school assignment related to space and space technology.
2. We give her a telescope, book, toys, etc. Related to the topic of her dream and allows her to explore it for herself, from the first moment. If she has problems, we can help but not intervene in the process at all . The important thing is that she learns herself and that she feels guided and supported.
3. We consider the  proposal to go to the planetarium or start a space course, better. If we have the resources, why not point her towards them? If that does not work, she will at least not feel a “commitment” in the future when she thinks about it again.

WARNING! If we do not have the resources to do an activity , the next best thing will always be to look for alternatives and try to spend quality time with our daughter. For example, why not arrange a space movie night?

What happens if you do not allow them to make mistakes?

If children cannot make mistakes and we overprotect them to prevent them from having a bad experience or making mistakes in general, they will not be able to function in life and become addicted. Your children’s self-esteem will also be low.  They will think it’s a bad thing to make mistakes because “it hurts.”

Therefore, you should not steal the opportunity for them to learn from their mistakes, to admit that they are wrong and give them the opportunity (and the satisfaction of) solving problems alone.

Teach your children to do things in the best possible way and to be responsible for their actions. This way, they can have a sound mind about mistakes and they will realize how useful mistakes are. They will thank you all their lives and you will feel more comfortable with yourself.

Go out and try it!