Avoid Becoming An Overly Controlling Parent

As parents, it is understandable that we always want the best for our children. But, since they are not born with user manuals under their arms, we all, certainly, make mistakes, such as being an overly controlling parent.

By trying to monitor everything within reach and making sure everything ends well,  we are often too controlling rather than helpful. It is actually an obstacle to the healthy development of our children,  which can lead to many problems.

Being a parent is not easy

Upbringing is a complex process and  each child has his or her own personality that is shaped as it grows up. Parents play a fundamental role in this process. However, if you are an overly controlling parent, then your children’s development will not be completely natural.

Guide them on their way instead of dictating it

The important thing for parents to understand is that our children have their own lives. Our job is to guide them on a good path, not solve any problem they encounter. They grow up and need to know how to navigate independently at every stage of their lives. 

By monitoring our children too much and always searching for perfection,  we do not let them develop all their skills. By being an overly controlling parent, instead of helping, we are actually hampering their development.

You should not be an overly controlling parent, but neither should you be a mollusk

That does not mean we should do everything our children say and let them control their own lives. There must be a balance. Children need to learn that there are boundaries. They must be able to distinguish between a good situation and a bad one.

The idea is to have a harmonious relationship where both parents and children feel comfortable and can enjoy being part of a family. Our attitude as parents must always be positive, but we must stand firm when necessary. 

How children behave in response to an overly controlling parent

They are generally looking for dangerous situations  where they can experience the pleasure of challenging their parents. These are children who tend to have emotional deficiencies and they are constantly under a lot of stress.

They often feel sad or repressed, which can lead to the formation of fears that can turn into serious problems.

Low self-esteem

Children of an overly controlling parent often tend to have low self-esteem  because they think they are not at the level that their parent wants them to be at. They feel they can not do anything right, which has a tendency to affect their interpersonal relationships.

Indecisive

These are children who  are unable to make decisions for themselves and they often find it difficult to take responsibility. They hide from anything that makes them feel outside their limited comfort zone.

Build trust instead of being an overly controlling parent

We must learn to relate to our children in an open way and be able to reach an appropriate level of trust. Keep in mind that if your children do not trust you, they will search for someone else and it may not be the right person. It can make them make bad choices.

While they are young, you have full control. But, as they grow up, they might take a different path than you had planned them to take.

Keep in mind that your children, sooner or later, will not be small anymore and they will reach adolescence. Parents dread this stage, because of the changes it brings. The one who finds it most problematic is the overly controlling parent.

Your children will separate completely from everything they feel you control and they will seek to express themselves in a completely unexpected way. 

As parents, we need to understand that our children do not belong to us. We need to let them grow at their own pace and experience decline. However, we must never let them forget that we are always there for them.