How To Resolve Conflicts In A Relationship

When you share your life with someone, you will quarrel sooner or later, and this is perfectly normal. Different views, misunderstandings, daily routines, stress from daily problems… all this means that disagreements can lead to quarrels at any given time. Therefore, you need to have the right tools to resolve conflicts in the relationship.

The first thing to keep in mind is that, as a general rule, we usually quarrel the most with the people we love the most. This means that your partner will sometimes have to pay for the disagreement you had with your boss that morning, rush hour or a rough day with the kids.

After all, the first thing you need to do to resolve conflicts in a relationship is to stop and think about what it really is that makes you so angry. Try not to overreact and think about what you are saying before you speak.

How to resolve conflicts in the relationship

Wait… it is not urgent

It is not always a good idea to talk about things at the moment. In fact, it’s even worse when it comes to conflicts in your life.

In the moments when you are angry, it is impossible to see the situation from your partner’s perspective. This does not mean that you should ignore it, but rather take the time to fall down, and then talk together when you are calm again.

Listen actively

Have you heard of this? It is nothing more than learning to listen. It seems easy, right? It is not. It turns out that when you listen to someone, you mostly think about what you have to say yourself, and are not aware of what the other person is actually saying.

Active listening means that you focus all your attention on the person speaking, without judging and without expecting anything. It is something you have to practice every day until you can take advantage of it. It is also especially valuable when talking to your children.

Respect comes first

No matter what happens, always avoid not respecting your partner or attacking them, both physically (especially) and verbally. It’s easy for more temperamental people to explode, and they may end up regretting things they have said and did not mean.

The truth, however, is that the damage has already been done. Then a pattern starts. Every time there is a conflict, it becomes a habit to react in the same way.

Finish what you start

If you have a problem, do not throw it out in the middle of a discussion. This makes the other person feel that you are not interested, which affects their self-confidence. On the contrary, you need to remind your partner that you want to reach a solution and that your relationship really means something to you.

We all make mistakes

Be humble, because even if you think you have done nothing wrong, you may have hurt your partner’s feelings by accident. Listen again to what they say and be patient.

Do not generalize

When we discuss with someone, whether it’s your partner or not, we tend to say things like “You always do…” or “You never do…” such and such. Of course, that’s not true. Therefore, it is better to focus on the problem without associating it with other moments or past quarrels.

Speak from your own point of view

Another important key to helping resolve conflicts in the relationship is to talk about how you are feeling. Do not just blame your partner. Instead, talk to your partner using “I” phrases. The other person will always be more receptive to listening to how you feel, not what you think he or she should do.

“When this happens, I feel it this way…” is a good phrase you can use to explain yourself without judging your partner. In addition, you talk about your feelings and about your needs. That way, your partner can better understand how certain actions make you feel.

Do not ask for something you cannot give

Many people ask for too much of their partner without stopping and thinking about what they are giving. If you demand something, you must be willing to give the same. That way, you build an equal relationship.

It is a very common mistake to expect too much from your partner and want them to cover all your needs. However, no one can fill all the cavities in your life. Only you, as the parent can know for sure. This can sometimes be the cause of frustration and your relationship may suffer from it.

Quarrels are normal, but it is important to find healthy ways to resolve conflicts.