Tips For Raising An Independent Child

When a child feels safe, it will eventually stop looking for approval from the people it meets. This idea from Maria Montessori gives us an example of how we can help, not only in raising an independent child, but also a happy child.

But many people today still do not support this pedagogical legacy, which was left to us by the famous Italian philosopher and teacher. These principles, which focus on strengthening the child’s intellectual and physical intelligence, are seen by many as risky.

Letting children create and discover their own learning is out of the ordinary for many people. But one has to look at it from the right perspective. It is not about “letting go and giving the children complete freedom.”

As adults, we are mentors who can help children discover everything they are capable of. Each child has their own pace of learning and needs, and it just requires being respectful and intuitive for their need to develop harmoniously and, above all, happily.

On the other hand, in addition to maximizing our children’s development, we want to teach all our children to be responsible and independent. When we talk about an independent child, we are not saying that a 6-year-old should behave as if they are 10.

What we want is for children to be empowered and accept the responsible responsibility for all ages.

Reaching that point is a challenge and we will also grow with them as mothers and fathers.

The key to raising an independent child

We will start by offering you this simple and remarkable advice: Give your child some autonomy if you want an independent child. We know that the idea of ​​”autonomy” can cause problems for many mothers and fathers.

Does that mean we have to give them all the freedoms they want? Not at all. It is about trusting our children and letting them grow according to their age and their own individual characteristics.

There are mothers and fathers who strive to give their children the best every day. They take care of everything for their children. They tie their shoes, they clean their toys, they make their backpack ready for school, they save their hair, they dress them… Everything has a limit, a balance and a purpose.

There comes a time when your kids have to take the plunge and stop becoming babies to become kids. Something like this will definitely make them start coming up with their own requirements.

Therefore, there is nothing better than making it clear to them from the start: Growing up and becoming an independent child means being responsible, and to be responsible you have to prove what you are capable of accomplishing.

Here are some strategies based on Maria Montessori’s methods.

For children between 2 and 3

Maria Montessori established the so-called sensitive periods. These are periods when children have the maximum learning potential and where they are more receptive. As parents, it is the best opportunity for us to guide them.

• The second and third years of your child’s life are very special. They start communicating, asking for things, discovering their world and wanting to touch everything.
• This is an ideal time and give them their first responsibility. However, these tasks will continue to be under our supervision.
• They can begin to dress themselves ; they should learn to put their toys away, help set the table, take responsibility for their things and take care of them so they do not break.
• It is crucial that we get them to participate in housework around the house. Your child is a part of the home and needs to understand that we all have responsibilities.

4 and 6 year olds

An important piece of advice when your children reach this age is to adapt your home furniture to them. They can and should accomplish many things that are within their capabilities.

• We can e.g. get a chair for the bathroom so the child can start combing their own hair, brushing their teeth and taking care of themselves.
• Maria Montessori recommended that every child can develop in all the areas that are part of their everyday life. So it is ideal that your child starts doing things in the kitchen (with supervision) at this age and that they are able to have their own breakfast, make a bowl of cereals and make a salad…
• They need to feel that they can participate in a useful and above all, safe way to see that they can accomplish many things and accomplish them well.

To encourage a child to feel independent, it is important that we give them positive feedback. Positive emotional support will help them grow up happy and safe.

Children from 7 to 8 years old

Between the ages of 2 and 8, a child experiences the most important evolutionary moment in their life. During this period, they need to build their self-esteem, the roots of their identity and above all the self-sufficiency that allows them to continue to grow and feel useful, suitable and independent…

• Between the ages of 7 and 8, a child is able to accomplish a lot of things. But they can sometimes think that they are capable of much more than they really are. It is necessary to encourage them but also give them good advice.
• At this age, your children should be fully responsible for their own things, both at home and at school. They must also prove to us that we can trust them. Based on this trust, you will be raising an independent child.

At the same time and just as importantly, we must take something fundamental into account. Not all children mature in the same way. This is why certain responsibilities will not be given to children who are unable to handle them.

It should not be forced. For example, if an 8-year-old is very forgetful, restless and unfocused, we can not give him / her the responsibility to prepare their own lunch every day and put them in their bag. They will probably forget this.

We need to monitor them and we will do so discreetly and lovingly. Little by little, every day they will mature and achieve great things on their own.